I want my son to be…

…what he wishes for!

Now a days a lot of articles are doing rounds that emphasise on not imposing our dreams on children. Thankfully I also had that independence while pursuing my studies, college but there was always a pressure to perform. I have seen kids saying they want to be a doctor, engineer, teacher, dentist etc and have also met people asking me what do you want him to be! I have no answer for them, neither does my son has any answer yet.

He wants to be everything, that’s what he says every time our discussion revolves around doing good in life, studying well and playing well (for his age ofcourse!) I tell him a scientist is the only person who is everything! With a relatively reserved nature that he has, he might as well make himself one and be content there as there! But i have also observed that kids turn their personalities upside down when they grow up!

So, since my hobby is to observe his growth and interests, i have observed he has immense interest in how shapes can join together and form interesting versions.He creates transformers, buildings and birds and what not with the blocks he has – other than legos. This has been there since he was a toddler of 2 years! At this rate, I believe he could be a budding Architect and I hope I am able to guide him correctly through his education to make him what he wants to be.

Pressure wont work, developing a love for what he has to do is the way out. I hope I can remember this through his growing up years and not become a parent who cant give even an ounce of freedom to think his own path!

Cheers to our big boys and girls!!!

 

Wiggly tooth!

So about a week back my son woke up with a wiggly tooth, something I had been waited for subconsciously! At the same time i thought it wont happen for another 3-4 months, no logic here 🙂 In September he turns 6 and I just thought it would be post turning this new big number.

I was emotional for this too, hell! I never imagined going emotional for something as small as a wiggly tooth, but it turned out to be a celebration deep within. I congratulated him on the new milestone, and hugged him with tears in my eyes.

Over to my oldest friends and one tells me her girl (a day elder to my son) already has had 4 wiggly ones! Lol! I was happy that indeed  my son’s teeth are coming out later than others which is a kind of illogical relief to me. Its been still a waiting period for him, yesterday he was wondering why isnt it coming out, so have told him that the new one is gaining strength to push it out! He cant wait for his tooth fairy coin 🙂 🙂

Here’s to all the wiggly teeth out there!!!

Cheers!

 

 

 

While my baby sleeps…

My 3 year old sleeps after a lot of effort on my part and his. He will think of hundreds of things that he can do, but sleep! So it’s a very interesting session in our room with stories and lullabies taking turns to put him to sleep, somehow.

when he finally sleeps, it’s a silence like never before and I start missing his voice right away. Seriously! His naughty thoughts, cute expressions, stories that he has started brewing, everything is so adorable. Once he is asleep, I cannot stop myself from admiring him and looking back at the eventful day we have had.

As he is growing, he is becoming an independent soul as he likes taking his own decisions of where to go, what to eat, when to eat and what not. It’s admirable to see such growth of kids, although it’s a little difficult to accept that gradually his world is expanding beyond you. An absolute necessity for growth and learning.

so while my son sleeps, I get time to admire him and to think of how his life is shaping up. How can I improve on my ways and my offerings, lessons and activities so that he grows everyday of his life.

A day with your child is full of laughter, cries, learnings and some regrets. Well, that’s what makes a happening childhood and parenting years. It’s more important to come out of regrets and create new ones as we take the next day in our hands. Every parent would agree with this. Initially you judge yourself way too much, then you understand that parenting is a hands-on learning job where you grow as you come across its challenges.

ciao…happy parenting!

How kids learn!

Learning is a continuous process for all living beings. When we are kids, we learnt to the best of our capability. Be it the good or the bad things. We learn them just how we are taught directly or indirectly.

having a child makes you realise how beautiful it must have been even for us to be absolutely carefree, masters of all around and the centre of attraction in any and every gathering. Atleast the first born is always in the last two categories.

well, as the baby grows into a child, parents realise that each and every action has been an inspiration to their offspring. And they are particularly fast in grasping the wrong ideas or words that we invariably spell out in a moment of heat/happiness. The f word, or the hell word. It’s all out there for them to learn. You forget as soon as you say it, but they grab it for using it on next opportunity. It’s very funny and very scary, especially if they get an opportunity in a gathering and there you are!

well, not just the mannerisms and phrases, their skill development also takes place on the go. Getting appropriate toys helps a great deal in assisting the growth they need, also depends a lot on their inclination towards certain activities. Like my son loves shapes and the results of joining various shapes together. So I came across this Chinese game Tangram which stimulates the brain by use of several shapes into making a figure. I gifted this to my son on his 3rd birthday and he was thrilled. His love for shapes was fulfilled and I could aid his learning further.

that was just about a toy/game that enhances the pace of these tots.  What enhances the most is everyday activities like gardening, plucking herbs, watering, cleaning his toys, playing in water, watching me working in the office, kitchen, interacting with guests and so on and so forth. All these activities that involve unorganised instructions to his brain is what makes his mind work extra time. Of course interaction with his age group kids will always top the list for teaching him the required social skills.

Watching each other place with their sharp observation skills, kids learn a lot about human behaviour. They know exactly who will love what in their family. Getting a free atmosphere where a kid can explore his surroundings, with quintessential toys, helps him grow a lot. They should be given the confidence to experience things that are harmless, like touching flowers, smelling flowers, painting their heart out on the safe places/papers whatever best can be provided, letting them explore their most loved activity gives them immense sense of pleasure, and develops trust and confidence on himself as well as on his surroundings.

Keeping a tab on every little action may hinder his interests and eventually he may not touch those activities again or for a long time until he remembers the tabbing.

I have learnt all this in 3 years of doing a mix of wrongs and rights and still learning how to teach the right things to my tot. Sometimes I feel I am falling short of ideas and sometimes it’s the enthu that starts leaving me. But then parents cannot think of taking rest or a break. It’s their monomaniacal focus on the child’s growth, development, entertainment, food and schooling is what drives them through the 24 hrs everyday.

it’s 130 am and I must rest for a rocking tomorrow.

thanks! Ciao!

kids on a fast track!

Now a days, I see most of us want our kids to achieve things much earlier than their age. be it academics or sports or digital games, everything is made available to them sooner that they really need, maybe!

I am not criticizing “early development”, I am known and criticized  for allowing my kid to explore videos and educative games on the ipad. But I guess this is just a side effect of having something at home. The mickey mouse or play doh videos are an extension to his learning atmosphere which do more good than harm. I have seen him learning quite a few new concepts in this playful way, that also improves his vocabulary and diction.

What I don’t admire is the race of exposing kids of 3-6 yrs of age to games like angry birds, temple run etc that involve crucial eye focus and hence poses a risk of damaging their developing eye muscles. Also, I don’t see much of learning in making the car or a man run crazy on a screen! Doesn’t it add to their anxieties? Maybe some bad dreams may be attached to these iconic games that have taken over our lives.

There are many educative games that we can play one to one with kids, allow them vehicles that make their body work hard like a cycle, scooter, any ride on. If iPad is a way of life even in your homes, try looking for educative games which are more fun and intriguing than the regular angry bird. I love Agnitus app way too much! Its in line with what I want my kid to learn, challenges him and then rewards him with compliments when he does the right thing. Then there are counting games by Disney, coloring of several characters and shapes, tangram (Chinese game involving shapes) and alphabet tracing, to name a few that I have religiously kept for my kid’s entertainment. These games keep his curiosity in place and give him the required learning for his age.

Then there are outdoor games like cycling, running, exploring the garden, learning about nature including sun, moon, plants, animals and birds. Just a short walk in a garden throws quite a few questions for an interesting evening.

Recently an acquaintance got a tri-cycle for her 3 year old son. Also a big car in which he can sit and roam around while a remote works in mumma’s hand. I also wanted the same car for my son but then I thought is it really worth spending so much on something that will only give him a high for few mins. There is no physical or mental exercise whatsoever. Why cannt he get this high on my bigger car when he sits behind the wheel and feel like he is driving! I am not the one to do any sort of rationing on the “Must haves” of my growing child. He keeps getting new toys every fortnight, but mostly ones that will add to his growing curiosity and answer a few 🙂

Having money should not make us a parent who is only giving things because a neighbour has it! Rather, we should focus on educating him in the best way with toys and books, make them understand the meaning of money and also make a sensitive human being who respects what he has and what others don’t.

 

My toddler is a kid now :)

As I am writing this, my son is coming and telling his discoveries and inventions that take him to a new high. feels like yesterday that I got him home, struggled with feeds, cries and insecurities and today he behaves like one mature kid who knows whole lot more than me – atleast he is confident about this!

Feels like this generation of kids are soon becoming teenagers with their unexplained sense of understanding of things around. It’s so interesting how my son questions things happening, be it about the car or the cooking being done in the kitchen. Everything in the world is of his interest. It’s such a Good thing. i just hope the answers he is getting are correct.

Just yesterday he needed me for everything and I used to wonder when will the dependencies reduce and I will have time for myself. Now he does many a things on his own, barring a few essential ones. Of course he is just 3.25 yrs old 🙂 I sure miss doing everything for him and shed a silent tear that my boy is growing up pretty fast. Atleast faster than I imagined!

I am sure all the parents go through this incredible phase of adjusting with the new achievements of their toddlers and their growing independence as an individual. Wonder how I will feel when my son will reach adolescence? Like all parents, I will also sail through, hopefully! God bless me!

ciao…

A funfilled evening!

It was a surprise visit of my cousin with his child and wife to our place. Their son is an year younger to mine and is just learning to be social. It was amazing to see both the guys having so much fun together. they shouted, cried, snatched things, played and learnt so much just in a matter of an hour and half!

We were all so happy to see them full of energy even when they met after a long gap! My son was feeling like an elder brother already and informed me that the baby is now a big baby 🙂 How cute is that observation!!! I just love the honesty with which kids live, sadly we give away these little attributes as we grow and when we need these the most!

House was a beautiful mess once they left but its so worth it! I love it when some kid comes over and plays with my son. they are such quick learners that even a short meeting is worth many smiles. School also has its added advantage on my son. he has become more social and interactive. Shares his toys as much his heart and judgement allows which is satisfactory for me.

Everyday at the end of the day, I feel one more cute day is over from my life and my son is slowly but steadily moving towards the human being I want to see in him! I just hope I can enjoy the lovely moments as much possible.

Ciao!

Side effects of Motherhood !

I believe motherhood is the only 24×7 job, nothing comes close to it! My new or wud be mom readers must have read much about it. Here is my perspective on what are the effects of joining this elite club:

1. You never stop thinking, not even for a second about your baby!

2. Fashion has a new definition in your life, that only focuses on ur baby! YOU are out of the window, unless of course if you are a celebrity with a long queue of staff taking care of naunces

3. Husband takes a back seat in helping you, if you don’t make the right rules at the onset! Don’t give in to baby care too much, take his help!

4. Chilling out seems like a sin, still do it for recharging! Create ur own definition of chilling out.

5. Thinking about your good is last priority, be it your meals, nutrition, meds,closet, , body shape etc etc!

6.  Murphy’s law will be true over and over again! Have patience…unlimited!

7. Keep both ears open, one entry other for exit of innumerable advices, concerns and observations. This is the only way to stay normal.

8. Inlaws will find ur baby to be a true copy of her father, u don’t come anywhere near the baby’s looks

9.  Everyone will write you off as a housewife, if you take a break to take care of your little one. in other words, there is no possibility of any value addition by you to their conversations, anymore.

10. Ignore such people and focus on your future, the little one in your arms. If you decide to take a break, be confident that its for his good. Nothing can replace your love and care, not even the expensive toys you could have bought if you were working.

11. Mirror was a thing of past, when you admired yourself for several minutes, sometimes hours. You will be lucky if you get a few seconds to check on your hairdo, else you are good to go Anyhow!

12. Memory – what’s that? Yes, it’s gonna take a hit big time. Trust me! Now your forgetful hubby will understand you better 🙂

hope this helps in preparing you for the journey ahead. I shall add more if I get something!

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Am I spoiling my child?

I ask this question to myself every now and then. Reason being the presence of so many gadgets, toys and entertainment that was not there in my childhood. Technological advancements in the last decade has changed the way parenting is implemented in a middle class or upper middle class household in India.

Most of us have a smart phone, an ipad, a laptop and ofcourse a TV to compensate for the missing link 🙂 And then there are Malls! A trip to mall with the little one always ends with a little toy if not a big one. Even if that means a balloon! Its difficult to say No sternly when you yourself are shopping for thousands and you try refusing the child for a 50 bucks or a little more, though price is none of his concerns at 3!

And then I think, am I spoiling him in all this? Youtube videos, educative games on the tablet, Chotta Bheem/cartoons on TV and so many toys to sail through at home! Huh!

I do believe kids don’t need everything, at the same time they should be given apt exposure for their creative development which is in its peak form in the foundation years i.e. 1 to 5. All the international schools that have cropped up in last few years have changed the way we see education. Previously, educating a child meant making him learn numbers, rhymes, and alphabets to begin with. All the other learning was an eventuality.

Today we inertly try to compare our child’s creative growth with the best of schools in India, not just the city that we stay in. An internet savvy parent would do all the research on methodology, activities, and facilities that the school of a toddler offers. Its not possible for each and every child to get access to the new quality of education that focuses more on the overall development rather than the mugging up quality. Also, the fee of these international schools who are deploying interesting methods is still considered a notch up for the middle class, who would save it for future rather than investing it on primary education.

From a child’s perspective, what we shower on them in terms of toys should be well thought of, should come with a learning in a subtle manner. From my experience I have learnt that the kids need our time and attention the most. Rest of the things fall in place when we manage our time well with theirs.

Having too many toys or too little should not be a concern. What matters is the learning these toys have in the offering. Even a small car has lots to explore from the little mind’s angle. We should keep a good combination of toys/activities at home for an interactive episode. For example, keeping puzzles for some mind activity, toy vehicles for some thrill, soft toys for compassion, books with interesting graphics that keep the little one interested, balls and bats for some physical exercise, a couple of shapes related toys,  building blocks and definitely a musical instrument to add quintessential music to your toddler’s life.

Expose the toys as per your understanding of his aptitude and attitude. Some kids are more interested in knowing how to break things, some in joining them, and some in simply understanding the in and out with much patience. It is our judgement that works the best regarding the stage at which we can introduce a few learning oriented activities. I usually don’t go by the age prescribed on puzzles. Mostly kids develop an acumen to solve puzzle at little over 2 years of age. Accordingly we can bring them the puzzles and see if they are showing interest. If they do, we must try and develop this attribute early on as it adds to problem solving abilities.

likewise, other categories of toys and activities should be introduced subtly to understand the interests level. its common for kids to steer away from an activity after a day or two of continuous engagements with the same. and then they come back to it may be a few months later. we should not be disheartened there, when he has so much to explore around him, its good that he has focused on something for more than a few minutes. We may not see the learning outcomes immediately, but its all there in the mind of your little explorer.

Hope this is helpful !

Coming up next is the You tube educative videos. Stay tuned!

The Career Mom!

MotherHood!!

Isn’t the above quote true to the T!!!

Many of the mothers reading this blog out there might be the professionally qualified ones with a career aspiration of their own. However, once the baby arrives within you, you start wondering about what next in my plan of things. how will i retain my identity if i leave my job for the little one, how will i ask for money favors from my husband for little things that I have myself taken care of, and more!

Well, I have gone through all of this and there is never an answer which fits the square hole completely. From some corners of society you will be looked upto and from some you will be terribly looked down upon for being the new “HOUSEWIFE” on the block. We need to understand if these people really matter to you and your’s child’s future. It should entirely be your and your spouse’s decision with no external influence – atleast no negative influence should enter into this.

On the face of it, this is a natural deviation from work life that a mother should be there for her new born while the husband brings home the bread and butter. For the first 3 months, yes definitely ! Beyond this it should be the woman’s decision whether to continue her work for fulfilling certain financial requirements and contributions and also to fulfil her aspirations of being a successful career woman. To get to this decision, its important to identify a support system at home or beyond. In all the metros and semi-metros, there are crèche’s that take care of the babies right from 3 months of age. so this is one good option if the support system at home is not there for any reason.

Another option many a ladies are opting for is work from home, with a maid employed for full time support. Only a lucky few get this option and are healthily taking ahead their career and looking after the growth of their little one without any guilts or lesser guilts!

Now how about those who decide not to continue their career for a satisfactory upbringing of their little ones. Its difficult to kick a fat paying job and get into a job that doesn’t pay you at all – atleast financially! so all those free minded purchases of jewellery and clothes and all the crap that we buy, goes out of the window sooner or later! Add to it there is an exponential increase in the responsibility at home front – the child, food, household – which was earlier restricted to the weekends. this new set up is bound to derail your moods quite a bit if not taken care of at the right time by you as well as your partner.

To remain sane and normal, its important to mingle with ladies with similar background, and to discuss it all with your hubby on how you are feeling about the new situation. even your husband has greater stress now, since he is the only bread winner and is worried inertly how soon you can take up a job again! Do not let him forget that this job at home is million times more fruitful than the few extra lacs that you would add to the savings. Unless of course there is a great need to support him financially.

A stressed mother cannot be the best solution to a baby, your stress gets transferred to him in some way or the other. So, be clear of what your goals are and stay focused on that. Time and again, remind yourself that the decision to continue a job or to leave it was yours. If you are at home, you are definitely one of the lucky few who is getting to see her child grow so closely, everyday is a blessing to be with the little one. Yes, people are growing professionally but the guilt of leaving their child with strangers cannot be compared to any !!!

I have seen a few kids emotionally insecure, who crave for attention at the drop of hat. And unfortunately it happens with kids whose both the parents are working and by the time they are home, their energy levels are dropped to just have dinner and pat the baby to sleep. This is where the child gradually becomes insecure as he/she doesn’t get anyone as close as her parents to discuss and question things her mind has been calculating for some time.

Kids need us 24×7, come what may. They think we never sleep, eat or merry. For them, only they exist with their cute little world of toys and fantasies. As a parent we need to understand this and accept it happily for providing them with a satisfactory environment of growth , even if this means sleeping for less than 8 hrs for the office goers. Office and other complications will be there forever but this little child will be an adult sooner than we may realise. And then many of us will crave for that extra 15 mins with him, wont that be too late to come around?? So even with an office of 10 hrs, we must pledge to be heartily there for the sake of bringing up a secure, compassionate and a mature individual.

Love to all parents!